July, 2015

A while ago, my wife and I needed some distilled water for our steam iron.

The next time I went to the supermarket I searched for this item and finally came to the right shelf. Sitting there were some big plastic jugs with labels that read:

Distilled Water

Perfect for Steam Irons,

Humidifiers, Wet-Cell Batteries, and more!

Bingo! This was exactly what I needed for our iron and I grabbed a gallon.

The writer of the little label on the distilled water plastic jug will never win a prize for creativity or be profiled in Ad Age magazine. But they sure knew what they were doing!

By explicitly stating "Perfect for Steam Irons, Humidifiers, Wet-Cell Batteries, and more!" the label-writer was reassuring people that they were buying exactly the right product.

In essence, the label was saying "I've got what you want," which are words that many technology marketers and copywriters all too frequently forget -- especially when writing or judging headlines.

Let's get back to basics . . .

If you're trying to sell a tech product or a service to prospects, you immediately face a tough challenge: You're asking prospects to spend money. Probably a lot of money.

How do you get them to buy?

By convincing them that you can provide something they need or want. Something that has real value. As a direct response copywriter it's my job to make sure that clear benefits appear right in the headline or darned close to it. No cleverness. No puns. No nonsense.

Here are just a few examples of how NOT to write to a headline, followed by my rewrites that get to the key benefits quickly.

NOTE: All the "WRONG" headlines below were actually used by tech companies in emails or on the Web. Ouch!

WRONG: Through the air, silently it connects your world.

RIGHT: Get our tri-band router that delivers incredible throughput speeds at a third the price!

WRONG: You can hold the future of profitability in your hands.

RIGHT: Download our FREE report: The Right CRM Metrics for Your Growing Enterprise"

WRONG:  Would you leave home without locking the door?

RIGHT: Try the world's best antivirus software for 30 days, absolutely free!

The takeaway message this month?

Don't make prospects wonder if your product or service is the right one for them. Put your benefit where it really belongs.

Right up front!