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THE LEVISON LETTER
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Action Ideas For Better Direct Mail,
E-mail, Web Sites & Advertising
Published by
Ivan Levison, Direct Response Copywriting
December, 2005
Volume: 20 Number: 12
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Don't make these three Web copywriting mistakes
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George Lois, the great art director, was once asked how he
could tell if an ad was bad.
"Easy," he said. "I pick up the ad, take a look at
it, and
if I vomit, I know it's bad."
I can relate to what George was talking about. So many Web
sites out there are so God-awful that they often make me
want to drop my cookie - and not the one in my System
Folder!
As you may have noticed, it's the ugly graphics that jump
out at you first. I'm talking about . . .
Web pages filled with disgusting purple type reversed out
of a black background . . . Home pages so dense with text,
you feel discouraged before you even start reading . . .
Stilted stock photos of attractive "executives" sitting
around conference tables looking distressingly eager and
upbeat. (I have never been to a meeting in Silicon Valley
where anyone ever looked remotely like these people.)
Of course, the Web as it exists today isn't about
graphics. It's about words. And because I'm a copywriter
who writes for the Web on a daily basis, I pay close
attention to how companies handle their cybercopy. Here's
what I've discovered.
Some organizations do a wonderful job, but all too many
settle for very mediocre writing indeed. Let me offer a
few extremely representative examples of weak writing (not
the worst by any means!), followed by some comments that
may prove helpful. I'm using fictitious company names, but
the words are pulled right off the Web:
EXAMPLE #1:
"Welcome to XYZ Software's on-line home. If this is your
first visit, or if you are a return visitor, please tell
us a little about yourself and how we can make your next
visit more useful."
COMMENT: Immediately after welcoming the visitor to the
Web site, the visitor is grilled for personal information
so that their next visit will be "more useful." What XYZ
Software needs to understand is that there won't BE many
next visits. You see, you can't expect someone to return
to your Web site unless you give them something of real
value NOW! Asking them to provide personal information up
front is a guaranteed way to turn people off.
THE MORAL: Don't be pushy on your home page.
EXAMPLE #2:
"Welcome to ABC Software: ABC Software publishes award-
winning consumer software products for health, diet,
nutrition and recipes. Our mission, since 1987, is to
educate consumers about healthy diets and provide
information about optimum eating patterns. We are
committed to improving public health."
COMMENT: ABC Software may provide you with a healthy diet,
but their copy is larded with clichés. "Our mission, since
1987 . . ." Puh-leeeeze. Let's drop those pompous Mission
Statements unless you're the United Nations. A Mission
Statement can hang out in an annual report, or at the back
of a capabilities brochure if you insist, but it doesn't
belong on your home page. It's so stuffy, self-important,
and overblown. Lose it!
THE MORAL: Avoid Mission Statements in your copywriting. Keep the rhetoric,
the tone, the "voice" contemporary and lively!
EXAMPLE #3:
"XYZ Software has been helping innovative companies
provide world-class customer service via e-mail and online
transactions for more than twelve years. We know your time
is valuable, and we know all too well how much time it
takes to define and solve problems, before you take that
first step up the learning curve."
COMMENT: The first sentence explains that XYZ has a lot of
experience. The second talks about time being valuable.
There is no logical connection between the two sentences.
What you've got here is a complete non sequitor. Am I
sounding a bit like your junior high English teacher? Hey,
this stuff matters! Your readers may not be aware of
problems with the logical flow of your copy, but your Web
pages will sound weak and flabby. If this kind of thing
permeates your entire site, you'll be dying a death from
thousand cuts and not even know it.
THE MORAL: Make sure your Web copywriting is tight, sharp, and
crisp!
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How To Get In Touch
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Ivan Levison
Direct Response Copywriting
14 Los Cerros Drive
Greenbrae, CA 94904
Phone: (415) 461-0672
Fax: (415) 461-7738
E-mail: ivan@levison.com
Web Site: http://www.levison.com
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Copyright 2005, by Ivan Levison, All Rights Reserved.
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